Mirrors of Connection
The Path of Yoga and Inquiry to End the War with Those We Love
The Sanskrit word yoga derives from the root yuj, which means to yoke or unite, fundamentally defining the practice as one of relationship. In this context, relationship could be the conscious joining of individual awareness with universal consciousness. This understanding transforms how we approach both our spiritual practice and our human connections, particularly when combined with Byron Katie's powerful inquiry process.
In the teachings of yoga, relationship is not only interpersonal connection, but also the recognition that separation is an illusion. The Bhagavad Gita speaks of seeing the Self in all beings and all beings in the Self. This perspective reveals that our relationships serve as mirrors, reflecting back our own consciousness and offering opportunities for deeper self-understanding. Every interaction becomes a chance to practice yoga, the opportunity to remember our fundamental universality.
Byron Katie's inquiry method, with its four questions and turnarounds, provides a practical framework for examining the thoughts that wage war in our relationships. When we believe the stories we tell ourselves about others, "He should understand me," "She doesn't care," "They're being selfish"… we become warriors in an internal battle, creating separation where yoga seeks interconnectedness. These thought-wars project outward, turning our closest connections into battlegrounds. Katie's process invites us to question these narratives: Is it true? Can you absolutely know it's true? How do you react when you believe that thought? Who would you be without it?
The yogic practice of ahimsa, translated as non-violence and can also be understood as sensitivity, extends beyond physical harm to include the violence of judgmental thoughts about others. When we investigate our beliefs about partners, friends, or family through Katie's inquiry, we practice sensitivity by ending the mental warfare that maintains the illusion of separation. This is NOT about passively accepting harmful behavior, but rather, about laying down the weapons of blame and resentment that prevent us from responding with clarity and compassion.
The turnarounds in Katie's work mirror yoga's teaching that external reality reflects internal states. When we turn "He should listen to me" into "I should listen to me" or "I should listen to him," we reclaim responsibility for our experience and open pathways for genuine connection. This practice cultivates self-study, recognizing that studying our reactions to others is studying the nature of consciousness itself.
Both yoga and Katie's inquiry reveal that peace in relationships comes not from changing others but from questioning the thoughts that create conflict. As we release the stories that maintain separation, we naturally return to our essential nature: reflective interconnectedness. In this space of inquiry and presence, relationship becomes not just a path to yoga, but yoga itself. The painful disconnection of apparent opposites essentially reveals what was never divided.
The war with those we love is ultimately a war with ourselves, with the thoughts that divide us from the peace that is our true nature. Through the marriage of ancient yogic wisdom and contemporary inquiry, we discover that ending this war is not about victory or defeat, but about recognizing that the battlefield was always an illusion. In this recognition, the reflective interconnectedness remains, not as something we must fight for, but as who and what we already are.
Jane’s House joyfully welcomes back Bryan Wagner to facilitate an immersive two-day journey into Byron Katie’s inquiry process. On August 16-17, join us for Ending the War with Those We Love. This workshop will dive deeply into both understanding The Work and experiencing it. Through guided inquiries, partner exercises, and deep personal exploration, learn to identify and question the thoughts that create suffering in life and relationships, and practice turning painful stories into pathways to freedom.